Finally! FINALLY, Dragons! We have Special Agent Dale Cooper back. And I have to say that it was worth the wait.
We begin with the most Lynchian of openers: headlights traveling down a dark road. It’s Evil Cooper and Richard. Evil Coop stops, and they both get out. “I’m looking for a place. Do you understand the place?” Evil Coop asks. Short answer: Richard doesn’t. “Three people have given me coordinates to that place. Two of the coordinates match.” Evil Coop says they’re close to the two that match and leads the way into a field. Also near “the place” – poor Jerry Horne, who’s probably still high. But he’s far enough away that he’s not seen by Evil Coop. “I bet it’s right up there on that rock,” Evil Coop says to Richard. He tells him to go up to the rock. Richard does as told – and is promptly electrocuted and killed. Peace out, Richard. I would say it was nice knowing you, but you were sort of a sociopath. Evil Coop is about as torn up as I am, saying, “Goodbye, my son,” before heading back to the car. Two things: first, the “my son” language seems to confirm the theory that Evil Coop raped Audrey while she was in a coma, and that’s where Richard came from. Second, the coordinates were meant for Evil Coop – so someone meant to kill Evil Coop? He sends another vague message to Diane: “:-) ALL”
Hutch and Chantal are outside of the Jones house in Las Vegas, waiting to kill Dougie. They’re not the only visitors at the Jones house. Two cars of FBI agents arrive. One of the agents tells another, Wilson, to stake out the house while they go to the insurance company.
Where is Dougie, anyway? He’s hospitalized, in a coma after electrocuting himself. “When people go into a coma, they can stay there for years,” Janey-E remarks. (More on this later!) The Mitchum brothers show up with an obscenely large flower arrangement and a food platter. Dougie’s boss gets a call that the FBI is looking for him and on the way to the hospital.
Back at the Jones house, the Mitchum brothers send their ladies and some movers to bring things into the house. Someone pulls up behind them – a Polish accountant – and tells them to move their car. They refuse, and the accountant slams into the back of their van. Chantal takes it up a notch and shoots at the accountant, who has a gun of his own, and a firefight ensues in which Chantal and Hutch are killed. The Mitchum brothers run out of the house at the commotion, leading to this delightful exchange: Bradley – “What the f*** kind of neighborhood is this?” Rodney – “People are under a lot of stress, Bradley.” The FBI jump out to stop the Polish accountant.
Back at the hospital, we hear an odd tone continually emitting from somewhere. And just like that, he’s back! He sees the One Armed Man. “You are awake. Finally. The other one – he didn’t go back in. He’s still out. Take this.” He gives Dale the green ring that we last saw with Evil Coop – Evil Coop put it on the hand of the man he shot in the garage, and it disappeared back into the Lodge. “Do you have the seed?” Dale asks twice. The One Armed Man holds up the marble sized item that was once Dougie. Dale plucks hair from his head. “I need you to make another one.” Presumably, he means to make another Dougie.
Janey-E and Sonny Jim return. Dale had enough awareness during this time to know who they are and who is boss is. Dale tells everyone that he’s leaving. He calls the Mitchum brothers and asks to use their jet to go to Spokane. Dale tells Bushnell that he has a feeling Gordon Cole will call and gives him a message for Cole. “But what about the FBI?” Bushnell asks. Dale stops. “I am the FBI.” The theme music is playing during this scene, and I’m not crying, you’re crying, and I AM THE FBI.
They meet up with the Mitchum brothers at the casino, and Diane seems to understand that this is not her husband. They share an emotional good-bye as Dale heads back to where this all started.
Meanwhile, in South Dakota, Diane is back at the hotel bar. She receives the cryptic text from Evil Coop and appears shaken. “I remember,” she says softly before texting back a long string of numbers. “I hope this works.” She walks up, in an almost mechanical fashion, to Gordon’s hotel room. She tells them that three or four years after Cooper disappeared, he showed up at her house – no knock, no doorbell – he just walked in, and eventually, he sexually assaulted her. After, he took her to an old gas station. She looks at the text message again and then looks up. “I’m in the sheriff’s station,” she says. “I’m in the sheriff’s station. I sent him those coordinates. I’m in the sheriff’s station because I-I I’m not me.” She pulls a gun out of her purse, and Albert and Tammy shoot at her first. She disappears. “They’re real,” Tammy says. “That was a real tulpa.”
Back in the Lodge, Diane is sitting in the chair across from the One Armed Man. “Someone manufactured you,” he says. She knows. Her face cracks, and another gold marble leaves her body, floating in the air as her body disintegrates into an electrical haze. If that wasn’t the real Diane, then where is the real Diane?
In Twin Peaks, we return to the Roadhouse, where Eddie Vedder performs. But what’s more surprising than seeing the lead singer of Pearl Jam is that Audrey and Charlie finally made it out of that house and to the Roadhouse. (Or did they?) After the song is done, the emcee introduces “Audrey’s dance,” and it’s the familiar music from the original series. Everything at the bar seems to stop, and the crowd is silent except for the music. Audrey makes her way up to the dance floor and dances to the music, just as she did 25 years ago. The silence was broken by a bar patron shouting. As normalcy resumes, we hear an electrical sound, and suddenly Audrey is elsewhere, staring at herself in a mirror against a white backdrop. I think that Audrey has been in a coma this whole time (recall Janey-E’s comment earlier), and we’re seeing what’s going on in her mind.
Dragons, we only get two hours left! Where is the real Diane? Is Audrey really in a coma? What’s up with Sarah Palmer? Is Dale going to defeat Evil Cooper? Leave your thoughts in the comments!