Game of Thrones: Season 7, Episode 5 – “Eastwatch”

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Surprise! Jaime and Bronn aren’t dead! Wait, is that really a surprise? It shouldn’t be. Bronn yells at Jaime for being an idiot and tells him that as long as Jaime owes him, he’s not getting killed by anyone – except, maybe, Bronn. Jaime has realized that the King’s Landing is in for a world of hurt if the dragons show up and that he needs to warn Cersei.

Dany rounds up all of the survivors and tells them that she’s not there to murder people, but they have a choice: bend the knee or die. Most do – but not Randyll or Dickon Tarly. Tyrion tries to talk Dany out of killing them, but she says that they had a choice and they made it. Drogon burns them alive, and the remaining soldiers bend the knee.

Back in King’s Landing, Jaime tells Cersei about the power of the dragons. They bicker about what to do next, and when Cersei comments about Tyrion killing Joffrey, Jaime tells her that it was Olenna, not Tyrion, who really killed Joffrey. Cersei says the choice is between fight and die or submit and die, and she knows her choice. “A soldier should know his.”

At Dragonstone, Dany lands Drogon, and we get a tender moment between the dragon and Jon. As it lands, it walks up to him, and Jon, BECAUSE HE’S CRAZY, reaches out and pets him. This is our “DING DING DING JON IS A TARGARYEN” moment number one of the episode. Jon mentions to Dany that she’s back early, and she remarks that she has fewer enemies today than yesterday. Dany tells him that they ultimately want to help people, but that requires strength, and “sometimes strength is terrible.” She asks him about what Davos said when they first arrived about taking a knife in the chest, but Jon deflects. Before she can pry further, they’re interrupted by a visitor – Jorah Mormont! He’s cured and somehow made it to Dragonstone in the same time it took Dany to fly west and back. Okay, sure…

In Winterfell, Creepy Bran wargs into a raven to check out what’s going on beyond the wall – nothing good, it turns out. He sees a massive hoard of White Walkers approaching the castle at Eastwatch.

Bran sends ravens out to warn of the impending threat. The Maesters at the Citadel are skeptical, to say the least. They think Bran seems a little nutty (they’re not wrong). Sam tries to implore them to send help, saying that everyone in Westeros trusts them. But the Archmaester raises the point that it could be a scheme by the Dragon Queen. They say that they’ll send a raven back to get more information.

Varys talks to Tyrion about Dany’s poor decision-making. Varys tells him that Tyrion needs to make her listen to him. He says that he used to tell himself the same thing about Dany’s father – “I’m not the one doing it. When their hair caught fire and the smell of their burning flesh filled the throne room – I’m not the one doing it.” Tyrion seems to see his point. Varys has a scroll. Tyrion asks, “Did you read it?” Varys responds, “It’s a sealed scroll for the King in the North.” Tyrion pauses. “What’s it say?”

We cut to Jon reading the scroll – he’s learned that both Arya and Bran are, in fact, alive. Jon wants Dany’s help, but she is still concerned about taking her armies away from the fight with King’s Landing. Tyrion has a plan: go north of the Wall, get a White Walker, and bring it back for Cersei and everyone else to see. If Cersei knows the threat is real, she’ll have to put aside the war for a period of time, which will allow Dany to send help to the North. Davos makes a plan to sneak Tyrion into King’s Landing to speak to Jaime and set up the meeting where Jon will deliver the White Walker and Dany will ask for a ceasefire.

Sansa and Arya talk at Winterfell, and it doesn’t further the plot, so, let’s skip over this, because TOO MUCH is happening.

Davos and Tyrion land in King’s Landing LIKE RIGHT AWAY. Tyrion sneaks in and meets with Jaime, who has been set up by Bronn. Jaime’s not thrilled. Tyrion tells him that Dany is willing to suspend hostilities on certain terms. It’s not about bending the knee, he explains.

Meanwhile, Davos is in Flea Bottom, on his own business – finding Gendry! And guess what? Gendry got hot. (insert sunglasses emoji here) Gendry’s been waiting for Davos to find him, and he’s ready to leave his life in King’s Landing. Davos and Gendry head back to the boat and have a run in with two Lannister guards. They’re almost in the clear, until Tyrion is spotted walking back to the boat. He is a pretty distinguishable guy. Gendry kills both guards with a giant hammer, which is apparently his weapon of choice.

Jaime visits Cersei and tells her about his meeting with Tyrion. She’s not convinced that there is actually a threat beyond the Wall. She says that they are going to keep fighting. For the two of them… and “for this,” moving her hands to her stomach. “Who will you say is the father?” Jaime asks. She responds, “you,” and Jaime says that people won’t like that. Cersei clearly doesn’t care. She tells him to never betray her again.

Davos, Tyrion, and Gendry are back at Dragonstone! Woosh! Teleportation! Jon and Gendry meet and share a moment about being bastards. The gang prepares to leave. Jon and Dany share a goodbye that’s filled with sexual tension.

At the Citadel, Sam continues to be THE WORST. Get ready, readers. This is the most important thing in the whole damn show so far, and Sam doesn’t even pay attention. He’s sitting with Gilly, who’s reading an old book. She says that High Septon Maynard recorded EVERYTHING. She then asks, “What does ‘annulment’ mean?” “It’s when a man sets aside his lawful wife,” Sam responds. Gilly keeps reading. “Maynard says here that he issued an annulment for a Prince ‘Ragger’ and remarried him to someone else at the same time in a secret ceremony in Dorne.”

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!

Rhaegar got his marriage to Elia Martell annulled and legitimately married Lyanna Stark. Meaning our boy, Jon Snow, is NOT a bastard at all, but is, in fact, a legit Targaryen.

But Sam’s not listening, and he decides he’s just going to pack up and leave the Citadel. OKAY, SAM. GREAT IDEA. YOU HAD ONE JOB, SAM. TO BECOME A MAESTER, SAM.

Arya stalks Littlefinger around Winterfell and discovers that he has some scroll – which is the only copy of its sort in Winterfell. She sneaks into his room and finds it – it’s something signed by Sansa. I couldn’t read it, but the internet says it’s the scroll that she was forced to write back in Season 1. But as Arya is sneaking, Littlefinger is sneaking on her! So much sneaking!

In another record-breaking journey, Jon and The Gang™ meet up with Tormund, who’s sad they didn’t bring “the big woman.” He tells them that they’re not the only ones who want to go Beyond the Wall. He leads them to a jail cell, where The Hound and The Gang™ are. Thoros of Myr insists that they don’t want to go beyond the wall, they have to go beyond the wall. Gendry doesn’t want to trust him, because, you know, they sold him to Melisandre. They finally all agree that they’re all on the same side, and THE GANG IS ALL BACK TOGETHER. Let’s go kill some White Walkers, guys.

Dragons, what did you think of this week’s episode? Did you catch the tiny bit that legitimized Jon? Is someone going to die next week? Where did they get their teleportation device? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

 

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